Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
