yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
