I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
