so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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