You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
