so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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