did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
