Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
