it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
