So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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