dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
