That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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