I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
