listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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