That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
