Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
