my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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