I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
