thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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