I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
