My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
