Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
