so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
