Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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