Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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