Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
