it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
