Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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