i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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