It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
