The brown eye won't let me do that either.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
