who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
