I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
