How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
