just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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