Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
