when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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