living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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