Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
