i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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