with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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