I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
