ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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