um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
