Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
