Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
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Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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