yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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