well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
