come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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