Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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