dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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