So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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