so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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