I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
A bitchslap is in order.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
