Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
