Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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