On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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