He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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