where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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