I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
