Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well I just put wine in my tea
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
