so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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