dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
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the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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