i already hear my dad disowning me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
