I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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