How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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