you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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