i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
