Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
