Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
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He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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