he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
