is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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