Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
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i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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