i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
