i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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