a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
