I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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